The winds of change...

That's a really pretentious blog title, which is going to become incredibly ironic later on in this post.

So clearly, the current format of my blogs isn't working - I just don't have the motivation to recount everything I do in my life anymore. I guess that's probably best for everyone; over the Summer when I spent my time in pretty interesting ways it was worth writing about, but everyday life is a little more mundane than that, so here's what's going to happen...

I'm still going to let you know what I've been up to, but really breifly then I'll spend more time telling you about stuff that genuinely interests me at the moment. I get the impression this new revolutionary blog style of mine is actually how most people blog, so, I'm behind the curve - who's surprised?!

So, since the beginning of this term I have.... celebrated my birthday with York friends in town; I wore a pretty dress and drank tequila, it was a brilliant night and loads of people made an effort to come out and meet me. A few weeks later we had a night out for Emily's birthday, which in all honesty, is probably a night better left undiscussed, we did however have Bailey's pancakes in the morning. WIN. This term I've also been a part of an Alpha course run by G2, which I initially found a massively scary prospect, because I didn't feel like I knew enough to explain my faith. It's been getting easier and more natural though, so that can only be a good thing. On Valentine's day I went on a date with Emily and Asha to Evil Eye Lounge in the city - we had Thai food and a midafternoon cocktail! In the same week, it was the Jorvik Viking Festival in the city centre, so as a new events assisstant I was helping kids make badges, heliuming up balloons and giving out directions. Guess what? It was genuinely really good fun! and they fed us well, which is always a bonus!

Y'know what's funny? I feel like this term has been insanely busy, but I can't think of much stuff than I've actually done?

So, now it's time for the ironic bit - I thought I'd point it out for you, didn't want you to miss it or anything...
I'm not really enjoying the English part of my degree at the moment, which is - unfortunate. It's okay though, my first choice modules for next year are Latin and post-war European film, so no actual English will be studied! But, I digress, why aren't I enjoying English? Good question. If you're a dork/geek/nerd then you will know what I mean when I say that I have always been massively into learning. I've never struggled too much when I don't understand something, because my determination to understand supercedes the frustration of confusion. Well, in English seminars and lectures, other students or tutors will say something that I don't quite follow or understand - mostly because it's wrapped up in a convoluted or pretentious metaphor - and I would say that about 80% of the time  I have no desire to understand because I simply don't care. I don't know when or why this happened. The study of literature has somehow died to me. Awkward, to say the least.

I'm now going to rant about my seminar today specifically. We were discussing Great Expectations, I'm not a huge fan of Dickens, but it's not an horrendous book, so I went in with a semi-open mind. But quite frankly, I'm sick of talking about sex. I mean, it's not quite as blanket as that, I didn't mind dicussing sex in relation to Dracula.. that's a pretty sexual book. It's not the topic in itself that frustrates me, but the way it can be squeezed out of every situation. This term, I have heard any number of things referred to as sexual reference - the slightest presence of blood must be to do with menstruation, the moon and anything white has to be about virginity and anything violent must be about rape. Even the word 'pleasure'! Yes, I know the word can be very easily used when talking about sexual desire, but than doesn't mean that all pleasure is sexual. Let me give you an example, in Great Expectations, Miss Havisham is using incredibly violent and aggressive language to coerce Pip to love Estella. She takes pleasure in the prospect of his pain, because of her anger and desire for revenge. Because she takes pleasure in revenge, it was in my seminar suggested that her sexuality is warped. Excuse me? I don't see how these types of pleasures need to be linked in any way? The argument being that the form of the conversation mimicks the sexual experience, she slowly builds up to a climax, shreiks loudly, then faints from exhaustion.

Okay, so you might think it's clear now that sex is there. But in the context of everything else, I didn't feel that this was a valid conclusion and it got me thinking. If so many asexual objects can be seen as metaphors for sex, why can't sex be used as a metaphor for other things. Could the shape and intensity of sexual experience simply be used as an image to show the intensity of revenge, without one emotion replacing the other? Could it be a literary device rather than a content related statement? It appears to me that in the study of literature, whenever something asexual is discussed it can be related to sex metaphorically, but whenever sexual experience is considered directly it must be literal. A double standard that exists to justify why we talk about sex so much. I might be wrong in this particular case of Miss Havisham, but I do think it should be considered. Sex is about sex and anything else is about sex. Can sex be about anything else?

Rant over.

Before I curl up for the night there are a few things worth knowing,
1. Sam is coming to visit this weekend, STOKED.
2. I'm going to try and get back into the daily readings for Bible in One Year duing Lent, I'll let you know how I'm going
3. I have two essays due before the end of term, so I might be under the radar for a few weeks.
4. Just to contradict myself entirely, I saw a really great play in the Drama Barn, which was written by a friend of mine, so might post a review of that soon.

Hope you're all well,
Good night and God bless xo